For a traveller, the conundrum remains: where is Home?
Biking towards Home, I (Andrew) would say that I've had different emotions than someone who is biking away from home (Melanie). As I have just arrived back in my hometown, Huntsville ON, after 6 weeks of making different pockets of Canada my Home,I feel strange about the real thing. My emotions are in a stir and could possibly go emo.
My Home is something that I've been working for and looking forward to for the duration of the trip. It's already surpassed expectations after one night of food, a bed, family, and guests (2 guys we met cycling across for ALS). Will I cycle as hard away from Huntsville as I did towards it? Will I want to cycle at all? A trip from Victoria to Huntsville is still pretty good right? What do I have to prove?
This: I was recently told by a few bikers that cycling away from home was "the hardest thing they've done all trip" and that it was very taxing emotionally. They continued to say that they "were just getting to the end and wanted it to be over soon so they could get back Home". I was told this as I was about 50 km from Huntsville. Absolutely terrified, I continued to think about and dissect this conversation for peace of mind.
We all want to return to Home often. We want to return Home when we are uncomfortable, challenged, and vulnerable. This is because Home is comfortable- it is consistent, it is what we love through prediction. What makes me feel at Home anywhere is being able to predict that I will be comfortable.
So will I want to continue biking away from Huntsville?
Ab Sa &$@#ing Lutely : this trip is about vulnerability, it's about feeling like crap and loving it anyway. I am a professional Lemonade maker. Packing some stuff in a red and white poke-a-dot blanket, fastening it to a stick and throwing it over my shoulder is what this is about- if it wasn't, I would have stayed in my Home all summer so I could predict my happiness for the only two months I have to actually live. I would then buy a house in the suburbs.
Regardless of whether or not I find out if I was tenting in a rattlesnake reserve the morning after, I'm looking forward to my adventure to St Johns. It's great to be Home, but leaving it is going to be one of the hardest and most rewarding things I've done.
I can't wait.